Shut down for now...

One Full Year

Wow, talk about neglect! I checked up on my blog here to see what's been going on (not much obviously) and just realized that it has been one year to the day since my last entry. So much has happened since. I guess the biggest news is that I'm getting married this year and guess what, the female I mentioned in my last post is the lucky lady. So I guess you can say that whole honesty method works because everything has been great and we're ready to tie the knot. Thanks to whoever that anonymous commenter was on the previous post for their kind words.

Not that anyone reads this but I will try to post again soon.

Honestly!

So I've been seeing a girl for the past several months. I've decided to commit and be her official boyfriend. I'm trying a new approach to this one. Being completely honest. I know, radical idea right? Well let me tell you, it's not easy for me or her. Last week I've had to tell her that I was going to lunch with my ex on Friday, there was a girl I knew at the club we were at on Saturday that wanted me, and the following Wednesday I told her that I slept with a close friend of hers a couple of years ago.

So the last one didn't go to well, but I was scared. I didn't want her to find out later down the line from someone else that I fucked her friend, so I told her myself. I figured she wouldn't care too much since it was before I met her.... WRONG!

Now I don't know if I should be so honest. I wasn't too happy with her reaction so does that mean I shouldn't tell everything about my past? Does she have the right to know any of this? I'm sure she's done shit that I wouldn't approve of, but if that was her before I knew her, what does it matter, right? The only person I know is the one I met and know now.

I want to be completely honest with this person and tell her some of the fucked up shit I've done in the past. But is that the right thing to do? I've made some mistakes but I'm still the same reliable, dependable, loyal person I've always been. I slipped up a couple times, but who hasn't? I just think we should just get all the dirty laundry out now and see how we still feel about each other before things progress.

I've learned from my past relationships that shit you feel guilty about just comes back to haunt you later. I don't want to worry about that.

I hope she feels the same.

Blah, blah, blah.... I'm drunk.

Cheer Up!

My buddy let me borrow Touching From A Distance, by Deborah Curtis. The biography of Ian Curtis of Joy Division. I guess the movie Control is based on this book. I don't know. I haven't seen it yet. I couldn't find anybody worthy enough, or willing, to go with me. Anyway, I finished the book the other day and I can't help but notice a slight change in my demeanor.

Fuck that book was depressing. I mean, you know the ending of the story so there's no surprise there, but fuckin' A! It still affected me. The guy had ambitions and strived to succeed but he had some serious problems. He was a controlling, cold, uncaring, dickhead to his wife, but at the same time was a funny, generous, easy-going lad to everyone else.

I love Joy Division's music, but now the lyrics take on a whole different meaning to me after gaining insight to Ian's personal life. The guy had his life, and death, planned out since he was a teen. It's very depressing, considering the problems he suffered, but also almost admirable when you look at the control, or what seemed like, he had over his life, as well as others.

Personally, I don't think the book was very well written, format wise. It seemed to jump around, mid-paragraph. I found myself having to go back and read sections over again to understand it. Was it her British accent maybe? Wait, are there accents in books? Maybe I'm just an idiot. Who knows? It was a good book informatively though. I'm glad I read it. The songs/lyrics are much more important and influential to me now.

It's too bad he's dead and can't realize that he got everything he hoped for, at least in a postmortem sense. He immortalized himself.


I should probably change my profile pic now.

Single Drunk

Honestly, what's wrong with getting drunk by yourself? I've done it so many times. Some of my most memorable, and best times are getting drunk alone. Does that make me an alcoholic? I don't think so. It's not like I get drunk everyday of the week. Sometimes there's just no one available. So, fuck it.

Sure, you get to a point where you're talking back to the computer, TV, or radio. If you're lucky enough to have a dog, then you can talk back to him/her. But what's the big deal? This girl told me today, "Oh, I never get drunk alone." Well, why the fuck not? It's so fun! Try it sometime. You'll find out a lot about yourself. For me, I contemplate my life better, and can analyze the current situation I'm going through.

Hey, right now I'm getting drunk. Almost there. A few more Maker's Marks on the rocks and that's it. There are four other people in my living room, but there's one broad who can't watch a movie without commenting every 2 seconds so I decided to put on my headphones and write this out. So, I guess you can count this as drinking alone.

Anyway, don't be so judgmental of people who drink alone. Try it before you knock it*. It's good for your mind, tranquility, and self awareness.


*Only for people who know how to drink and know their limit. If you start spinning, disregard everything I've said.

Hault!

Fucken A! Only I would get a J-Walking ticket tonight. I wasn't even supposed to go out. After paying my property taxes, I told my buddy I should just stay home since I was tapped out for the weekend. But, since he thought he had a chance with this waitress, and said he would pay for my drinks, I decided to be a wingman for the night.

Well, surprisingly, the waitress didn't work out. We hit up a couple of other spots and met up with one of his coworkers. We decided to check out one more bar. The coworker and I watched in disapproval as my friend crossed the street right behind a cop. When the cop turned the corner, we both thought it was safe to cross. WRONG!

It was a J-walking trap! We both were busted by two motorcycle cops. I was shooting the shit with my ticket distributor, but the coworker wasn't so lucky. I heard some raised voices over there. I didn't want any part of it though. I started to tell the cop that was taking my info about the time I got a j-walking ticket in Huntington Beach. (Remember that, Jen?)

Yeah. Years ago I was with another friend and my ex in Huntington Beach, where she lived. We crossed the street, at a cross walk, at 2am in the morning, in the rain. I guess the crossing hand tuned a solid red before we reached the other side of the street, and BAM! Cops all around us! They asked us questions and made my buddy and I sit on the curb while they searched my ex' purse and shit. They even called for back up! Such bullshit. If you're not white, you don't belong in Huntington Beach.

Anyway, I asked the cop how much this ticket would cost, and he said "Around $100." Fuck that! I'll fight it. Fullerton, CA is a wealthy city. They don't need my $100 for crossing a street.

So, in the end, a night of free drinks ended up costing me $100 when all I wanted to do was stay home and relax. Oh well. Another story to tell, I guess.

Killers Suck!

Just a quick spew of my disgust.

I love Joy Division. I hate The Killers. So, I may be biased. But, I would think it'd be hard to fuck up a cover of a Joy Division song since the songs are so great. The trance like sound of the drum and bass in their music may be hard to duplicate - why would you want to duplicate a song - but to add your own little twist and make an awesome song sound different can't be too hard. I would think it may be harder to destroy a song unintentionally.

The Killers version of Shadowplay is so weak! What's with all the "hoo, hoo, hoo" bullshit in there? And the drums. Oh gawd! It's hard to believe there was someone behind a set actually playing. Hopefully there wasn't because it sounds like they used the drum machine from a $10 Casio keyboard. The version is just bland, and awful. What's worse is, just because the song was done by the great Killers, it has to be a good song, right? Whatever The Killers put out is good because its The Killers. The media is loving it. They're playing it on Monday Night Football for fuck's sake!

I don't think I've ever wrote a music review of any kind on this blog for reasons of backlash by devoted fans of music I hate. And it's pointless to get into those arguments online because you're never going to make somebody see your point of view. It's like arguing religion. But I've been hearing the song a lot lately, and can't stand it anymore. Sorry.

Oh wait. Maybe I haven't come to love The Killers yet because I haven't realized that I "gotta gotta be down because I want it all."

Whatever.

Killers suck

Breathe Deep

Leaving work 5 minutes early today nearly cost me my life. Or so it seemed. Since I was done with all my work for the day, like the good little worker bee that I am, I figured I'd leave work at 4:55 pm and catch the 5:05 train instead of the 5:15. I know, wow, big fucken deal! 10 minutes. But when you still have to drive another 20 - 30 minutes home after the train ride, traffic can drastically change in that 10 minutes.

So I shut down my computer; I might as well left at 5:00 since my issued Windows laptop takes forever to shutdown. I start my walk to the station and as I exit the building I see the train already approaching. What the fuck! It's like 3 minutes early. I'm a relatively slow walker for being 6' so I increase my stride and pick up the pace. The Metro doesn't fuck around when it comes to pick up/drop off, which is a good thing if you're already on the train, but not if you're trying to catch it as I was. I could tell that I would have to start running if I wanted to get through those doors on time, so I did.

I quickly tapped the buttons on the machine to purchase my ticket, turned around, took a deep breath, and began the hike up the stairs. About three flights worth. As I reached the apex I was relieved to see the doors to the train still open, and I casually strode in to find many empty seats. Awesome.

I sat down and tried to catch my breath. I expected to be a little winded after the quick pace, which turned into a run, and then a climb, but I was having some trouble. Usually I can calm down, relax and regain a normal breathing rhythm after a few moments, but there was difficulty. Then I started to feel a pain just beneath my sternum. Kind of a burning, stabbing pain. I felt like I was suffocating and about to die right there on the Metro. That would not be a good thing; Considering the number of people that sleep on the train, my corpse would most likely take a few free trips around on the Green Line until somebody notice I wasn't breathing, or the Metro Police ask for my ticket and get no response. The train had already began to leave the second stop, and I was still gasping.

I looked out the window to the right of me and noticed the blue, brown, gray, thick, disgusting sky. Could all the recent fires be the cause of my inability to breathe correctly? Of course! I'm not getting old. It's the goddamn fires! Sure, I'm in El Segundo and the smoke I was looking at was way out in San Diego, but what other explanation can there be? My 28th birthday last week has nothing to do with today's little battle between my lungs and the ashy sky...
right?

Spend the Night

To me one of the greatest things in life is to be able to sleep next to someone that you care about. Strike that. Even if you don't care that much about the person sharing the bed, or if you just met them, to me it's an awesome feeling to go to sleep next to someone and wake up to them the next morning. Of course there are those times where you've made a mistake and didn't realize it until the next morning, but I don't think I've ever made that mistake. I'm very selective.

I just think it's a cool notion. It's like a contract between two people that trust each other enough to sleep comfortably next to each other throughout the night, and then wake up and have the great time you shared the night before to continue on. I used to tell my ex when we got into the sheets, 'This is the best part.'

Is that boring of me to think that simply sleeping next to someone - of the opposite sex, and one that I'm interested in - is so great? Obviously the sex and love making are also up there on the list, but those are given. Anybody can attest to that. This is one of the more comforting things, I feel, that come with "being with somebody." Whether it be long term, or just dating.

That's News to Me

Dude! Fox 11 got rid of John Beard?! What the FUCK! When did this happen? He and Christine Divine are the reason I started watching the news back in high school. Who is this Carlos Amezcua guy? His voice is so boring, and more importantly, he sucks ass! I don't care where he's from or what he did, just give me back John Beard! I think I'm going to have to find a new 10 o'clock news channel.

You let me down, Fox. Somebody better get fired for this.